I can't seem to focus
or better yet I can't seem to shift my focus
hands are shaking
slight nauseous feeling in my gut
I obsess on the dysfunctional abyss I am in
the store looks normal
much like my family
but scratch the surface and...
back to obsessing
why am I failing?
why does he hate me?
Does he hate me?
damn, I have developed an eye twitch
fuck this
I don't deserve it
or do I?
Bad karma, good karma
God acting or dispassionately laughing at
my fucked up life
A thought comes up from somewhere deep down in my memory
that I am only pretending to be human
pretending to be an adult
a father
a husband
a son
I don't really know how to be human
I don't really know what I am doing
thats why I get confused
when other perceptions of me
do not match
as a matter of fact
they are usually the exact opposite
of my reality.