The answers are elusive.
The one thing that I do know is I have less coming in than going out.
I work hard but nevertheless events conspire against me.
I am on the verge.
The verge of what?
I do not know.

But I am on the verge of something.
It cannot keep going like this.

Too many thoughts, too many worries, where am I going? Does anyone even see me?Does anyone really know the pain I am in, does anyone have a clue to my suffering? They all seem to be focussed on their own agendas. I think about the people in my life and how to make their lives better, to make them happy but I feel as if I am not really here! That in their minds I don't really exist. Am I like some virtual reality being? Someone they can interact with but when I am out of sight I do not exist? I feel myself shrinking from the world around me, more disconnected, less involved. Time after time I try to express my pain to friends or family and inevitably I get a response of What is wrong with them or an inane suggestion that proves they really are not listening. I think I will stop trying to explain and just exist inside myself in my little world of pain and anguish. But I know I won't.