My unwashed thoughts. Straight from the soul. Not nessasarily based on reality.

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Published Saturday, June 14, 2003 by Neil.



Two worlds-pick one?

Published Friday, June 13, 2003 by Neil.

Sounds good to me.

Published by Neil.


work of Shirana Shahbazi of Iran

Published Thursday, June 12, 2003 by Neil.

PAIN
The most essential aspect of pain is its aversiveness.
While other sensations have content that may be positive, neutral, or negative, the very content of pain is negation.

Pain is a pure physical experiance of negation, an immediate sensory rendering of "against"
Not oneself,
Not me,
The fact of being 'the enemy'.

Another element of pain is that it obliterates Thought and language, We moan and cry. It also annihilates the most elemental acts of perception, (Blinding Pain)

Pain overwhelms the senses, takes them over.
S.W. Mitchell a civil war surgeon wrote,

Perhaps few persons who are not physicions can realize the influence which long continued and unendurable pain may have upon both body and mind. The older books are full of cases in which, after Lancet wounds, the most terrible pain and local spasms resulted. When these had lasted days or weeks, the whole surface became hyperaesthetic, and the sense grew to be only avenues for fresh and increasing tortures, until every vibration, every change of light, and even....the effort to read brought on new agony.



The Thalamus, hypothalamus, brainstem reticular formation, Limbic system, parietal cortex and frontal cortex are all implicated in pain perception. Other perceptions are limited to one or two areas of the brain.

Pain consumes the body, it overwhelms perception and destroys language itself.

First felt internaly, pain eventually occupies the entire body and spills out into the world around the body, it takes over all that is inside and outside, makes the two obscenely indistinguishable, and systematically destroys anything like language or world extension that is alien to itself and threatining to its claims. Terryfying for its narrowness, it nevertheless exhausts and displaces all else until it seems to become the single broad and omnipresent fact of existence.

Published Wednesday, June 11, 2003 by Neil.

Hot and humid today.
Was going to complain, then I thought, 'It isn't raining!'
Don't we always find something to complain about?

Instead of complaining I would like to give my appreciation to
My Wife (who puts up and deals woth alot)
My kids (Who make me happy just thinking of them)
My friends(without which I would not make it.)
Any day that I can get out of bed, put my pants on muddle through life.

Published Tuesday, June 10, 2003 by Neil.

Bobby Hoffman

Congratulations Bobby. Most of us are proud of you.

Published by Neil.






A list:: for today



  • Sun

  • clouds

  • a slight breeze

  • seventy degrees

  • an ice cold Coke

  • Lemon Ice

  • my new crew cut

  • laughing

  • Blue skies


Published by Neil.

Tower of Babel
Tower of Babel

When I am driving through the industrial side of Jersey,
and all is grey steel and smoke, this is what I see.
Possibilities, colors and patterns.


Published by Neil.

What did the beggining of everything look like?
Zooming in on the First Stars <br />
Is this the beggining of a new reality?
One where God will turn his attention?
Or are we the new Gods of a new world?
Responsible for it, yet distant.

Published by Neil.

Looks as if we are going to have a nice day today, finaly!
My body is still hanging in there relatively pain free, although I am begining to think my muscle weakness is actually muscle atrophy.
I have to start slowly rebuilding them.
One step at a time.

Published Monday, June 09, 2003 by Neil.


My kids are waking and I am smiling.......We get to play and scream and have a crazy time.....that is until they have to go to school......then I have to be an adult again and work........but for now it's monkey time!


Published by Neil.






A list:: of things to do



  • Retrain my muscles

  • finnish the book "The body in Pain"

  • Pray more

  • Build a fairie house to suprise my kids

  • sleep

  • Eat some Kroepkoeker

  • Hug my Wife

  • Finnish work

  • play with my kids


Published by Neil.

I love this picture

Published Sunday, June 08, 2003 by Neil.

Been burning the candle on three ends this week. I must rest, if I don't the virus may wake up.
A Japaneese General said after Pearl Harbor "We have just woke a sleeping Giant." I feel as if the pearl harbor that is my body is just around the corner.

Does that make any sense?

I am planning my next fast.
This time I will be a little more preppared.
If the last fast put my virus asleep then hopefully the next one will put it in a coma for good!
THe next step is to figure out how to retrain my muscles which have atrophied badly throughout my illlness.
I would like to take a Tai-Chi class but doubt that I can afford it.
Seeing as combing my hair tires me out I'm not sure what I can do to start the rebuilding.

(Any suggestions please let me know)

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