The sun is shining and the humidity is low,
Perfect, right?
I hate being outdoors!
I feel the sun stealing what little strength I have left.
I used to love being outside,
Now all I want is to be lying on the couch,
My mind is blank,
I do not wish to think,
I would pray for the day to end but that would only bring on tommorrow.
I pray for this virus to die in me before I die from it.
No energy, no vision of the future, no joy,
The pain has overtaken me,
I cannot look past it or through it any longer,
Time has stopped,
And I am stuck in a moment not of my choosing,
A moment between ticks of the clock,
A moment in which there is no future or past,
Light travels through time, but time is not moving,
All is dark,
Just pain.

Starting the fast on Monday.
Water, cayenne pepper, maple syrup and lemon juice.
About 200 calories a day.
Going to try for 10 days this time.
Got to knock out this virus good this time!
I am so sick of being sick!
Just got to get through the weekend.

My body seems to be fading away,
My muscles are getting weaker by the day,
and it does not spring back from exertion virtually at all,
I seem not to take notice of the stabbing pains and aches in the joints,
Its not that I can ignore them, but I seem disconected from the pain now,
I have to start the fast soon but we do not have the money to buy the lemons!
And the Chinese herbs I take during the fast.
Hopefully soon though.

I am taking Bonnie to see Bruce tonight at Giant stadium in the meadowlands.
This is a total suprise for her.
She deserves it so much.
I told her that I was spending some money we got on Tai chi lessons to get my body back in some kind of shape.
But her happiness is more important than my physical well being.
If I could trade, getting my health back for her happiness, I would not do it.

Full day on the road then to Steves annual BBQ which is the best North of the mason-dixon line. Then back to lake Mowhawk where the kids are at Birthday party!
All the while my muscles ache and I was having trouble focusing my mind on anything for long.
I sat at each of these places and watched as everyone had a great time.
I felt disconnected from it as if I were watching it on TV.