My unwashed thoughts.
Straight from the soul.
Not nessasarily based on reality.
Pain once again has taken over my life,
I look out my window at the world going by,
And curse my fate while struggling to get out of bed,
Dreaming of smoking, like it would be some kind of cure for the pain,
Through my clouded thoughts comes an invitation,
Vacation bible school recital,
The thought of a hundred screaming,
happy kids makes me want to crawl up in a ball,
Jealousy?
I go, to be part of my kids world at least a little bit,
Unshaven because my hands shake too much to shave,
Dressed in a shabby sweat suit because its too painfull to change into something different
I go to church and prayer no one notices me.
My kids teacher approaches me while I sit in the Narthex trying not to be noticed,
She hands me a book madfe of brightly colored construction paper,
She says I could read some letters to God the kids had made while I was waiting.
They were cute and typical,
Dear God, Please send me a puppy.
Dear God, please tell my parents to take me to Disney World.
Dear God, Are you an Artist?
Then I came upon my son Ian's letter,
Dear God, Please make my Daddy feel better.
I sat there stunned,
My mind awash in emotion,
Bonnie came to me and asked what I thought,
She had known what he wrote earlier that day,
Everyone seemed to know!
I was exposed sitting their,
Vurnerable,
I went into the Pastors office to be alone and collect my thoughts,
Tears starting to flow,
Why?
Yes, it was sweet that he wrote it,
He is a wonderfully empathetic little boy,
But now I am sobbing uncontrolably,
Barry, the Pastor comes in and asks if I am alright,
Who knows, I thought the tears were stopping but when he asked they came gushing forth again, Why is it affecting me so?
I could hear the kids singing in the church,
I was missing it,
Barry said that he thought that Ian was saying that he felt badly for me,
Not that he was thinking he was missing out on things because I was sick.
More crying,
Why?
I still don't fully know,
But one thing I do know is,
I have the greatest son in the entire world!
Some how the pain foes not seem so bad this morning.
I look out my window at the world going by,
And curse my fate while struggling to get out of bed,
Dreaming of smoking, like it would be some kind of cure for the pain,
Through my clouded thoughts comes an invitation,
Vacation bible school recital,
The thought of a hundred screaming,
happy kids makes me want to crawl up in a ball,
Jealousy?
I go, to be part of my kids world at least a little bit,
Unshaven because my hands shake too much to shave,
Dressed in a shabby sweat suit because its too painfull to change into something different
I go to church and prayer no one notices me.
My kids teacher approaches me while I sit in the Narthex trying not to be noticed,
She hands me a book madfe of brightly colored construction paper,
She says I could read some letters to God the kids had made while I was waiting.
They were cute and typical,
Dear God, Please send me a puppy.
Dear God, please tell my parents to take me to Disney World.
Dear God, Are you an Artist?
Then I came upon my son Ian's letter,
Dear God, Please make my Daddy feel better.
I sat there stunned,
My mind awash in emotion,
Bonnie came to me and asked what I thought,
She had known what he wrote earlier that day,
Everyone seemed to know!
I was exposed sitting their,
Vurnerable,
I went into the Pastors office to be alone and collect my thoughts,
Tears starting to flow,
Why?
Yes, it was sweet that he wrote it,
He is a wonderfully empathetic little boy,
But now I am sobbing uncontrolably,
Barry, the Pastor comes in and asks if I am alright,
Who knows, I thought the tears were stopping but when he asked they came gushing forth again, Why is it affecting me so?
I could hear the kids singing in the church,
I was missing it,
Barry said that he thought that Ian was saying that he felt badly for me,
Not that he was thinking he was missing out on things because I was sick.
More crying,
Why?
I still don't fully know,
But one thing I do know is,
I have the greatest son in the entire world!
Some how the pain foes not seem so bad this morning.
Last posts
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- Sitting out front of a house,My first stop of the...
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- Your soul is like an egg shell,it holds your exist...
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